I believe the chief desire of every man is to be loved unconditionally, and after my long search, I have only found it within God who offers it freely and readily to those who will love him in return.i wont beat the bush about it
restless_youth
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Interests: rock, jazz, acoustic, composition, sports, street culture, (looking at) art, books, cult classics, geeky stuff
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Member Since: 4/30/2004

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

i'll be blogging at www.imnotarobot.blogspot.com

after reading some of my old entries, its reminded me to take everyday and suck the life out of it. i remember growing up hyping the next stage in life and not appreciating the present. its funny how its kind of flipped on itself. maybe because its so easy to forget the good things when you're trying to learn from your past, but no more! for starters, i think i'll go to the beach today. carping the diem.


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

3 princes

three princes (all belonging to the same king) marched into my gates and i joyfully received them for i was ordinary and they did wonderful things wherever they went. they came in this order:

the first eldest and greatest prince had a countenance of love as he joyfully sang praises to his father who had sent him. he loved to kiss the foreheads of children and also loved to embrace the forgotten outcasts. he was the greatest because he was the eldest, strongest, wisest, and also necessary to his two younger brothers.

the other two princes (who were twins) followed shortly behind their brother.

the second prince had a justified countenance of determination because he did all that his older brother had asked without hesitation. his authority was that of action: full of obedience and loyalty instilled within him by his older brother's love. he was also a honest and innocent man of purity with a mind that trusted firmly in his older brother and father (the king). because he was born from the womb before his twin brother, he was considered the second greatest brother.

the third prince - who followed behind the second prince so closely that they almost touched- had a countenance of understanding and knowledge. he was a man of persuasion and philosophy; his words were logical and pure, rooted in the truth from his father and love from his brother. those who opposed him gained insight by listening to him justify all the things that his brothers had done and were going to do. some of those who listened to his teachings accepted them and were edified while others disagreed with his ways, but because the two older princes had preceded him, those who disagreed with his teachings sought to understand his teachings.

their father, who had taught them to love, obey, and teach gladly send them to me.

the three brothers loved each other so much that even from birth, they never lost sight of each other. they walked together, in mutual agreement, changing lives wherever they went. upon seeing their harmony, i welcomed them into my city and gave them the finest estates and places of authority. they humbly accepted my offerings and chose to reside in my kingdom, and there was peace and prosperity within my walls.


Saturday, September 08, 2007

random friday thoughts

this might sound dumb, but i wish i could be a dancer like some of the guys in the hip hop competitions. i watch a lot of youtube videos of people dancing and i get excited watching them have a great time dancing in really creative ways. i feel sad that i cant dance like them. it leaves you with the bitter feeling that you are not really all that great. everyone has their thing right? this is just how i feel, but i really wish i could be an incredible dancer.

but in between the moments where i feel completely lame and the ensuing moments when my sorrow is washed away as God tells me how obsessed he is about me (just as i am), there is a period of conviction where i suddenly remember the times when i turned my back on God's desire for me. its like getting a taste of your own medicine: my self esteem hurts when i am excluded from my desires and i did the same to God as i rejected him in my heart.

that conviction makes me want to crawl away into a hole where no one can find me, but in the mystery of his love, he only pulls me closer as he looks me in the eyes and says

"don't go. i love you"

and the rest is history.


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

humanism disregards true devastation

"There is no greater pain and loss than separation from the love of the father. i believe that is why Jesus was so willing to accept physical pain upon the cross. he never wanted anyone to have to endure the emotional devastation of separation from the father."
-Che Ahn

devastation is not manifested because it cannot be. tears are only tangible hints; we must acknowledge that it is in our hearts - a far and formless place- that devastation silently leeches away at our deserved fulfillment. the longing within the heart for the peace of infinite love is a tragedy that cant be fathomed in our reality.

so...are we devastated? to honestly be human is to say "yes"


Tuesday, July 24, 2007

more

i was with jon at the de anza bookstore the other day and we were buying accounting stuff and i decided to buy tuesdays with morrie to read on the side, but its not much of a side book cause im devouring it. its a very special book

i was thinking about the hostages held by the taliban recently. it might have grabbed my attention because they're korean christians which makes me disappointed in myself. but i think in a way, because of our similar heritages, i see a part of myself in the hostages that my selfish frame of mind wouldnt have caught if they had been some other ethnicity. i feel so disgusted in myself that i've continually ignored the oppressed from my prayers. just thinking about how many lonely, oppressed, broken, mistreated, unfairly exploited, and abandoned people are out there beyond our comfortable american realm makes me so sad

i just remembered an interesting article i had read for my ucsd dimensions of culture writing class. our class was a american/social-identity class about discovering why our culture, and therefore, people think and process the way we do. it was called "things to do during times of war" by Harold Jaffe ( http://www.locusnovus.com/lnprojects/thingstodo/ ) if you get a chance to read it, please do and take it apart. it argues that our comfortable, routine, and semi-concious lifestyle is held responsible for dulling our hearts to the world's atrocities. this eventually leads to our individual american dehumanization into selfish beings. theres a lot of truth here: everything is so conveniently packaged in our lives. the news, magazines, food, supermarkets, television, etc to the point where we are barely living. i mean, why chase life when we can let life come to us... right? its our comfort and pride in our material achievements that bring us the artificial satisfaction -- no, the numbing of our hearts to the world beyond our own personal agendas.

whether it's our lifestyle or not, its undeniable that  the death, impoverishment, and suffering  of others doesnt seem to really affect our culture on the individual level. i dnno if we can call our country great if we pass on social responsibility for justice to the government... the charities and resolutions are great, but shouldnt we also hold the opressed in our hearts and not just the donation box? problems cant be solved by just throwing money at them. not calling myself perfect, but there is truth here.

"if i give all my possessions to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, i gain nothing (it is in vain)" -Paul

God says that even in the midst of money, strategy, and combat, prayer is the greatest weapon because behind every prayer is an all powerful and loving God with the world at his fingertips. God will give you what you ask for if you believe that he can give it to you.

"i tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt...if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer" -Jesus

i believe it was Jesus' hand that delayed the hostage executions - twice.

i beg you, pray with faith for the hostages and the widespread injustices that are swept under the rug



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